Defenestrators

Send a memo to Hollywood

2005-09-23T14:12:00.000-05:00

Attention Bill Maher, Babs Streisand, et al, quit yer bitchin'; the resent spate of powerful hurricanes is not the result of "global warming." No, I'm not kidding or suffering through the later stages of syphillis. If you don't believe me, check out this CNN article quoting a bunch of scientists saying things like:

"The increased activity since 1995 is due to natural fluctuations (and) cycles of hurricane activity driven by the Atlantic Ocean itself along with the atmosphere above it and not enhanced substantially by global warming."

"[the impact of global warming is] minimal for the forseeable future."

"Our position is the recent increase in hurricane activity is not caused by global warming."

Of course, the article also quotes some lady from the awesomely named Union of Concerned Scientist National Climate Education Program. Anyone care to take a guess about what she thinks?

Don't rebuild New Orleans

2005-09-09T09:49:00.000-05:00

Jack Schafer makes the case against rebuilding New Orleans. Frankly, I think this is a no-brainer. No matter how well they patch up those levees, another storm could devastate the city at any time. Nothing that the engineers can do will change the fact that the city is located in a depression surrounded by water. Why spend tens of billions of dollars to rebuild a city that could be destroyed next week, next month or next year? I hope that the state and federal government official put aside their nostalgia for the city and use a little common-sense.

And people wonder why I don't trust the government to handle things...

2005-09-06T15:14:00.000-05:00

1,000+ firefighters from around the country who volunteered their services to aid the victims of Katrina are being turned into "community relations officers" by the unbelievably inept folks at FEMA. Instead of helping to evacuate those still trapped in flooded areas, the firefighters are being directed to hand out fliers and direct people to 1-800-621-FEMA. Even more unbelievably, 50 of the volunteers have been assigned to make appearances with the ranch-hand in chief as he visits devastated communities on the gulf-coast.

the mayor of New Orleans loses it

2005-09-04T23:47:00.000-05:00

And who can blame him? Click here to listen.

Today's IM of the day: insensitivity or deal hunting?

2005-09-01T15:02:00.000-05:00

Me: I just boguht my ticket to Egypt
Me: I smell blog content gold
Me: bought*
Pseudonym: lol
Pseudonym: watch out for bombers
Pseudonym: though it is tough, because everyone over there looks like a bomber
Me: I'm sure I'll hear that one a few times
Me: all 75 million?
Pseudonym: every man jack
Pseudonym: boy howdy
Me: lol
Me: the great thing about terrorists attacks, they knock down the price on 5 star hotels
Pseudonym: lol
Me: no one ever discusses this upside
Pseudonym: you should call in some bomb threats before you leave
Pseudonym: and then demand a further discount
Me: good thinking
Me: the same is true about tsunamis
Me: I bet you can get a sweet deal in that region

Battle for Mosul: first hand accounts

2005-09-01T08:51:00.000-05:00

Regardless of how you feel about the war in Iraq, you absolutely must read this reporter's account of one combat situation - one that the reporter actually found himself participating in. The gravity and heroism involved are stunning, and yet these are daily events. Truly mindboggling stuff, with absolutely stunning pictures as well.

Whole thing here.

Courtesy of Reason's Hit & Run.

Internet Justice

2005-08-31T23:37:00.000-05:00

Ne’er-do-wells of the world beware, camera-phone vigilantes lurk around every corner. First, a South Korean woman who refused to pick up her dog’s poo became a pariah when her fellow subway passengers (yes, her dog dropped a deuce in a train and she refused to pick it up) took her picture and posted the story on the Internet. Now, NY authorities are on the trail of a pervert who was photographed in flagrante delicto.

So if you are thinking about doing something socially unacceptable, such as, and this is just a for instance, desecrating the stupid "Support Our Troops" sign that your neighbor put up today, because, as we all know, putting up a stupid sign like that doesn't have any effect save to a puff up one's sense of self importance, be careful to do it while no camera phones are present.

Today's IM conversation of the day: good help

2005-08-31T15:47:00.000-05:00

Me: (Pasting from friend's email) " Ohhhhhh--I'M SHOCKED, SHOCKED that you broke up with that chick. When will you just accept that you are gay? Get it over with; the greater D.C. area female population will thank you."
Me: I'm so glad I have supportive friends
JP: LOL
JP: FWHOMO
ME: lol
JP: Well I'm vacuuming right now. That's pretty gay
ME: extremely
ME: real men have El Salvadorean illegals vaccuum for them
ME: like I did today
JP: lol, in little french maid outfits?
ME: working on that- so far me leaving them out on the bed with a digital camera hasn't registered
JP: lol
JP: how much do they charge? I may have to bite the bullet. Housework blows
ME: they charge me $50
ME: every two weeks
ME: not bad
ME: they might charge you $75
ME: for a bigger house
ME: you can negotiate with the guy
JP: I'd pay 75. Once a month. I'm used to living in filth
ME: 2nd nature to us

Editorializing Egypt

2005-08-29T13:38:00.000-05:00

A pair of insightful editorials ( here and here ) in the Washington Post explore the upcoming elections in Egypt, where various limitations have been placed on candidates challenging Egyptian autocrat-in-chief, Hosni Mubarak, who has ruled the country for 24 years. Candidates face limitations on their access to public fora such as state TV and press, intimidation from government thugs, and an abbreviated campaign schedule. Mubarak's primary opposition, reformist Parliamentarian Ayman Nour, has also been saddled with a trumped up charge stemming from his signature campaign while securing his candidacy.

This topic is near and dear to my heart (my family is from Egypt), and I can say that many in our community are heartened that change is in the air in Egypt. While one of the editorials laments the lack of immediate pressure and change by the U.S. in Egypt's case, the important matter here is that by cracking the door just a bit, Mubarak has opened up the deluge of opposition voices that have been waiting to pour out. Government cronies can delay, hinder, and undermine the opposition for only so long. That Nour and his ilk have been able to criticise the regime openly is in itself a breathtaking change from the past two and a half decades. I suspect that the Bush administration was very wary of pushing too hard in Egypt's case considering the changes going on in the region. Another large populace in the Arab world in turmoil would do the U.S. no good for the time being, not when the largest opposition movement in Egypt remains the quixotic Muslim Brotherhood.

When it comes to the Arab world, media focus in the west has focused on Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Gaza, or Lebanon. However, Egypt and its population of 75 million (approximately 25% of the Arab world)represent a crucial part of the transition to a democratic and stable middle east. The situation surrounding the upcoming elections bears watching closely.

Dik Talk Thai

2005-08-25T09:49:00.000-05:00

Imagine you are a member of the Thai parliament. Imagine being called out in front of your peers by the prime minister of Thailand, demanding you step forward and acknowledge your penis enlargement, or risk harming your country's reputation over your newly enhanced wang. Imagine your peers suggesting (tongue in cheek) various ways they could identify you. Imagine a world with large penises in the pants of Thai men, it's easy if you try...

Then you'd be this guy.

You don't say?

2005-08-23T22:13:00.000-05:00

Hollywood bigwigs are starting to realize that their consistently terrible movies may have something to do with the box office slump. Next stop, rocket science.

It's the Christian thing to do

2005-08-23T15:13:00.000-05:00

Assassination, that is. Conservative evangelical leader and lunatic Pat Robertson is calling for the US to take out Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. Robertson is concerned that Chavez will turn Venezuala into a, "launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism." Robertson, who splits his time between fund-raising and praying that God will change the make-up of the Supreme Court, believes that sending a hit squad after Chavez is much more fiscally sound than, "another $200 billion war."

Chavez, who is also as crazy as a sack of rats, hasn't had much to say about Robertson's comments, but some of his fellow Venezualan law makers have expressed their displeasure.

The White House has responded by saying that Robertson's views are just those of a private citizen. State Department spokesman Sean McCormack said Robertson's statement was "inappropriate." I'm not sure whether McCormack meant that the Bush Administration is against whacking Chavez or whether they think the $200 billion figure is way too low.

Of Brits, Brazilians, and Ben Franklin

2005-08-23T14:30:00.000-05:00

As a news item it has been relegated to the lowly ticker on your news network of preference these days, but the drama behind the shooting of a Brazilian-born Briton shortly after the London train bombings continues to unfold.

When the incident first happened, mainstream media reports painted it as a tragic mistake. I gathered from the press that I read that the boy's actions, although innocent, bordered on the unbelievably stupid given the situation, such as wearing a bulky jacket on a hot day, running from police, failing to properly identify himself or to follow police instructions. It was a sad, but on some level understandable mistake considering the boy's actions and the climate of post-bombing London. I certainly did not fault police for their actions at the time, nor can I say that the mood of the press faulted them much either.

Perhaps there was a reason the story was so unbelievable - it wasn't true. The justifications first given for the shooting are slowly being debunked one by one, starting with the claim that the man wore a bulky jacket; now many reports state that his jacket was thin and denim, and he did not have a backpack. Some reports state that the man did hurry or run to the train, others say he walked to the platform unhindered.

What is going on here? British cops run amock, tragicly unfortunate actions by the victim, or a case of being in the wrong time at the wrong place? As the British press and officials continue to investigate the shooting, one hopes that the truth will ultimately be told.

Regardless, in his passing, Mr. de Menezes may have left us with an important lesson. All citizens of a free society should despise ideologies that teach the murder of innocents, and should rightly stand up to terrorism and the delusional ethos of radical Islam. Likewise, in a free society it is always critical that citizens question, inspect and monitor our police and security apparati in order to ensure that we have not sacrificed liberty for security, and found ourselves deserving of neither.

Fat asses in the news

2005-08-23T09:53:00.000-05:00

Yet another reason that government subsidization of our poor little farmers has got to go.

Personally, while I hate government subsidization of private enterprise, this story seems more aimed at finding a scapegoat for own burgeoning waistlines. It seems every state besides Oregon (what's your secret up there, Pseud?) has reported that their clothing needs to be let out a bit more.

You know when I was in law school, I commented half-jokingly to my roommate's girlfriend that she had put on some weight over the summer. I was immediately and vociferously castigated by the other girls in the room. I noticed that my roommate, himself no Slimfast spokesmodel, was smiling coyly. He added that maybe we could start shopping for her at Lane Bryant.

We made clear we were teasing, but the damage was done - for whatever reason, be it my comments or something else, that girl dropped 15 pounds. A couple years later, my roommate lost 30 plus pounds as well simply by altering his diet. I take full credit, of course.

The lesson here is that mocking fat people works. Mock away, America. As Babu from Seinfeld famously said in the series finale, "always mocking mock-ing, mock-ing!"

BONUS LINK: I mean, if Jack Osborne can do it, so can you lazy beanbags.

Stop the presses, a politician is showing common sense

2005-08-19T15:33:00.000-05:00

Too bad it isn't an American Politician. Brit Chris Davies, leader of the Liberal Democrats in the European Parliment, has called for the legalization of all illicit drugs. In a piece for the Beligian magazine The Sprout, Davies wrote:

"Taking a small percentage of the drugs off the market simply forces up the price, adding to the already vast profits made by the traffickers and providing a stronger financial incentive for others to get involved. It's a vicious circle. Far from preventing the use of illegal drugs the policy of prohibition creates the profits which drive the growth of the trade. It leads to the corruption of our institutions and provides funds for terrorism. These views used to be controversial but now that the prime minister's personal adviser says that existing policies are doomed to failure it is surely time for all responsible politicians to consider whether alternative strategies could do more to curb crime, reduce harm and save lives."

For more info, check out this article from Drug War Chronicle. Hat-tip to Reason's always excellent Jacob Sullum.

In other, related news, the DEA is continuing in its futile attempt to stop people from getting what they want. Just one day after our ranch-hand in chief's administration announced that it was going to step up the battle against this decade's scourge, methaphetamine, the DEA made public a major bust. Agents arrested 160 people in 4 states and 2 countries, while confiscating scads of drugs, guns, cars and anything else that the arrestees owned. While this may be a minor inconvience to some of the tens of millions of Americans who use drugs recreationally (and no, I am not including the tens of millions who legally abuse alcohol), you can rest assured that these fine citizens will have their needs met. After all, supply and demand is not a suggestion, it's the law.

$399 and you still only get one controller?

2005-08-18T15:41:00.000-05:00

Microsoft has announced the price points at which the Xbox 360 will be available when it releaseed sometime this fall. The $299 Xbox 360 Core System will come with one wired controller, one faceplate and an a/v cable. The $399 Xbox 360 (which didn't get a name extension) will come with one wireless controller, a headset, a remote , a 20GB hard drive and a subscription to the Xbox Live online service.

Nun endeavors to prove that prayer is useless

2005-08-18T15:16:00.000-05:00

A Catholic nun is praying to stop a movie adaptation of Dan Brown's best-selling novel "The Da Vinci Code" from being filmed at a cathedral in Lincoln, England. Since the movie's producers "donated" a reported 100,000 pounds for the right to film at the cathedral, and since the Catholic Church is busy paying off all of the victims of priestly molestation, this prayer vigil, like millions before it, will serve only to demonstrate the complete futility of prayer.

Coach Fo' Shizzy

2005-08-18T14:59:00.000-05:00

Everybody's favorite Saturn spokesman has been active in his Long Beach, CA community, and that isn't a good thing to everyone. It seems that pending Father-of-the-Year candidate Snoop Doggy Dogg aka the Doggfather aka Snoop Dizzy Dizzle aka.... Well anyway, Snoop's involvement in a youth football league lead to his establishment of a rival football league, complete with decked out team bus, benefit concerts featuring the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and the "Snooperbowl." Hawwwww jeeeyyyeaaaah you did it again my ni**a.

I'm just curious

2005-08-18T14:04:00.000-05:00

Did anyone else have a job interview today with an obese woman wearing fuzzy pink slippers who knows next to nothing about the business plan of the startup that is headquartered in her house?

maybe "scrotum bag" and "bitch dog" are terms of endearment

2005-08-17T09:08:00.000-05:00

Those of us unfortunate enough to have Comcast as our cable and internet provider have long complained about prolonged service outings, shoddy customer service, and exorbitantly high prices. Well, it seems that the folks working over there aren't too thrilled with the customers they service, neither. Seems some service reps in Chicagoland have been giving especially difficult customers "pet" names in their accounts. (Log-in required).

If anyone from Comcast is reading, I would like my customer account nickname to be "George Takai's wang."

Someone fill me in here

2005-08-16T15:23:00.000-05:00

Am I missing something? Why doesn't the ranch-hand in chief set his chainsaw aside for an hour or so and meet with Cindy Sheehan. For those of you living under a rock with Osama Bin Laden (anyone remember that name?), Sheehan is the impassioned but none-too-bright mother of a soldier killed in Iraq. Sheehan and a gaggle of anti-war protesters have staked out W's Crawford ranch and are demanding that the leader of the free world take time off from saying stupid things to meet with her.

So far George has managed to avoid Cindy by having secret service people distract her with shiny objects (and by keeping her far away from him), but this has just helped to draw attention to the cause. Why not just meet with her for a little while? Sure, he'll have to put up with some ranting and raving, and sure he may feel a little guilty about getting lots of Americans killed for no good reason, but it would end the PR nightmare that Cindy Sheehan has created. Plus, once the Sheehan thing is wrapped up, the press can move on to more important things such as the Israeli withdrawl from Gaza.

Pulling out always leaves a mess

2005-08-16T12:25:00.000-05:00

You'll forgive the pontificating post, but I had to renew the discussion surrounding the Israeli pullout from the Gaza Strip. Rather, my focus here is not the event itself, but how the American media is twisting itself in knots to portray the exercise as a heart-wrenching and divisive tug of war for the soul of Israel. Pieces either focus on the domestic fissures caused by the pullout, or the pain of Israeli soldiers from being 'forced' to expel their own people.

Let me pass for now on the question of why American papers are wasting so much front page ink on what is basically a domestic issue of a nation of 5 million half a world away. (Does the Kyrgyz Republic get this sort of press? Where's Amnesty International when you need them?)

The fact of the matter is that this spin on the issues is ludicrous and out of touch with the basic reasons for the withdrawal. The Gaza Strip is home to 1.2 million Palestinians, most of whom live in squalor and in isolation from the economic or political options open to sovereign peoples. That is because, of course, they aren't sovereign; the Gaza Strip is a regional no man's land. Egypt governed it until losing it to Israel in 1967, and swore off any claim to it in the 1978 Camp David accords.

So is this land part of Israel, as many myopic and determined Israeli hawks see it, especially in this land? Well, the answer my friends is, no. If Israel annexed the land, then they would have to respect the legal (not to mention moral) claims and rights of the people already living there. Now, Israel fancies itself a "Jewish" state, even though 20% of the population, not Jewish. To absorb a large portion in the Gaza Strip, as well as a larger one within the West Bank would have radically altered the demographics of the country so as to make the phrase "Jewish homeland" specious at best. The alternatives, such as forced expulsion or *gasp* "elimination" were a bit too much to swallow for a nation that was, at least in part, justified as a haven from future anti-Jewish genocides. (Note that didn't stop current P.M. Ariel Sharon from enabling other Palestinian massacres when he was a general in the IDF, but I digress.)

Faced with the choice of renouncing any claim to the occupied lands and leaving a potentially hostile neighbor within striking distance of Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, or annexing and assimilating that same populace, Israel chose neither. Rather it chose a covert game of taking each territory inch by inch, a calculated campaign of incursion by moving settlers into the occupied territories on what they hoped would be a permanent basis, while allowing the refugee camps of Gaza and West Bank to stifle in economic and social stagnation and strife. As Palestinians left, it was thought, settlers would move in, and eventually the lands would be safe enough to annex as part of Israel proper.

Only that didn't happen. A war in Lebanon, two Intifadahs (uprisings) and a demolished peace accord (Oslo) later, it has become clear that the security risk poised by 9,000 militant settlers living "amongst" (ie.e separated by Israeli troop garrisons) 1.2 million Palestinians was simply too much for the average Israeli to bear. That is why Israelis favor the Gaza pullout by a significant margin .

Why bother to recount all of this? Because the American media has once again failed massively to report fairly on an event of international importance in a region vital to our own security. Even so called leftist and "Pro-Palestinian" sources such as NPR and the Washington Post bend over backwards to bring life and compassion to the Israeli settlers and the soldiers that are their evictors. Neither the history of this region, its tortured peoples, nor the extreme methods and views of these settlers are brought to adequate light by our press.

The settlers are a militant extreme faction within Israeli society. Yes, some moved to Gaza and the West Bank for the (illegal) incentives proffered by settlement supporters in the Knesset. My guess is that those people were the first to depart when those same incentives were offered to leave. What is left now, are 5,000 people resisting their own troops, many of whom infiltrated the settlements just prior to the disengagement in order to resist, sometimes violently. In this country, those same people would be labeled traitors and a hazard to society as a whole. In Israel, many regard them the same way. Yes in the ridiculous world of the American press, nattering nabob after nattering nabob lines up to fall on their sword...err, pen to cast the traitors as heroic, or at least sympathetic. Criminals seems like a better description.

For more on the toll of 38 years of settler presence and its affect on the Palestinians living therein, I suggest starting here.

Privacy? We don't need no stinking privacy!

2005-08-16T11:38:00.000-05:00

A California shipping store owner decided he didn't like the cut of a regular customer's jib, so he cut open one of the guy's packages, found a suspicious looking teddy bear, and called the cops.

The teddy bear's contents, almost a pound of pot, notwithstanding, this seems like an egregious violation of the sender's rights. According to a cop involved in the case, the shipping store proprietor has the right to search through shipment contents to make sure that they contain nothing dangerous or illegal. So it is illegal search and seizure if a law enforcement office rifles through private property, but it isn't if a store proprietor does it first? And what is to stop police from strongly suggesting that shippers check all packages for "suspicious" items?

Perhaps my more lawyerish colleague can shed a little light on this...

Has the whole world gone crazy?!

2005-08-16T10:24:00.000-05:00

First the Supreme Court handed down an execrable ruling in the case of Kelo v. New London, allowing the city of New London to take private residences via eminent domain so private developers can build a hotel, parking lot and more. Now the New London city government is proving that there is no end to its depravity, by demanding back rent from all those who fought for the right to keep their property.

Here are some lowlights as covered in the Fairfield County Weekly:

“…New London is claiming that the affected homeowners were living on city land for the duration of the lawsuit and owe back rent. It's a new definition of chutzpah: Confiscate land and charge back rent for the years the owners fought confiscation.

In some cases, their debt could amount to hundreds of thousands of dollars. Moreover, the homeowners are being offered buyouts based on the market rate as it was in 2000 .”

“…case namesake Susette Kelo, who owns a single-family house with her husband, learned she would owe in the ballpark of 57 grand. "I'd leave here broke," says Kelo. "I wouldn't have a home or any money to get one. I could probably get a large-size refrigerator box and live under the bridge."

Hat tip to Reason’s Hit and Run.

A shocking new study

2005-08-15T14:10:00.000-05:00

The first sentence of this article about the study is as follows:

"While drinking and gambling often go hand-in-hand, the two addictions are not identical, according to a team of Brazilian and Canadian researchers."

No kidding, you don't say. You mean getting drunk is different than attempting to win money? Unbelievable. It's a good thing the great scientific minds of Canada and Brazil took the time to make this earth-shattering discovery. Next up this crack team of researchers will be comparing smoking with bird-watching.

We're comin' to America...

2005-08-12T13:30:00.000-05:00

Today!

Let's go bowling, Dude

2005-08-12T11:58:00.000-05:00

Tonight some friends and I are supposed to check out a new bowling alley in nearby Bethesda, MD called Strike! It's an "upscale" bowling alley, which means it basically combines a loungey/clubby atmosphere with bowling shenanigans. Check out the website
HERE.

I don't know whether metrosexual bowling will take off in the DC metro area, but the place is pretty popular, judging by some ofthe private party disclaimers on the site:

"Closed for the City Paper Homobowl from 6:00-10:00pm on Thursday, August 25, 2005. We apologize for any inconvenience."

Wild claims from the press?

2005-08-12T08:47:00.000-05:00

With Oregon's press and government officials in hysterics about meth being the worst thing to happen since Cain expressed his displeasure with Abel, I tend to agree with this Slate article about the shoddiness of drug reporting. More on this later...

No more indecisive waffling

2005-08-11T14:40:00.000-05:00

I can't wait until capri pants are returned to the dustbin of fashion history. Either wear pants or wear shorts, damn it.

By the way

2005-08-11T13:20:00.000-05:00

I'd love to post on the pork-filled 286.4 billion dollar highway bill, but everytime I start typing I am beset by an overwhelming urge to bang my head against a brick wall for a few hours. $230 million to build a bridge to an Alaskan island inhabited by 50 people? AAAARRGGGH!

Can I get a ruling on this...

2005-08-11T13:12:00.000-05:00

Now that it turns out that the French were right about Iraq (you know, that there was no threat to US citizens and that Saddam had no WMDs and the all of the Bush administration's evidence was made up), can we change freedom fries back to french fries? I just want to make sure I order correctly next time I go to a reasonably-priced family restaurant.

Get down!

2005-08-11T11:41:00.000-05:00

After a long day of plotting to kill your mother, how would you unwind? Here's one option.

Re: Thought of the Day

2005-08-11T11:27:00.000-05:00

I would like to take a moment to "retort" to my esteemed colleague. It isn't simply a high-budget marketing campaign that gets oversized fannies in movie seats. As proof, this summer has seen an increased tossing around of the term "flop" whether real or exaggerated.

For example, the serious drama "Cinderella Man" was a tremendous disappointment at the box office, and left Hollywood execs handwringing that maybe the audience wasn't as highbrow as they hoped. Hogwash, some people say the movie just plain sucked , one notable other claims the phone-bludgeoning activities of the lead cost the film box office, while still others say it didn't bomb at all .

(BTW, is it just me or can you pretty sub out "Cinderella Man" with "War of the Worlds" and "phone-bludgeoning" with "psychotic Scientological" and have that paragraph hold?)

It's that last point that probably poses the most interesting question. While total box office receipts may be down, box alone cannot continue to be the measure of a movie's success. Domestic + worldwide box, plus DVD and On Demand sales, along with eventual television syndication...I mean how many movies do NOT hit the black anymore and actually lose money? I mean, Deuce Bigalow got a sequel! For christ's sake, I want the name of the exec that greenlighted that, and I want his genitalia ridiculed publicly. You might not believe this, but there's actually a scene where Eddie Griffin (i.e. Chris Rock wannabe) gets his genitals bitten by a pet! I know right? Where do they get all these fresh ideas?

Plus, while hype is no doubt effective, the summer's surprise hit "Wedding Crashers" couldn't even be advertised on TV prior to 8 pm in several markets because of that goshdarn R rating. Perhaps the moral here, is rather than innocuous fare that appeals to us all, Hollywood should treat some of its audience as adults, nudity, 23 f-bombs and all, and make movies geared at these audiences instead of treating America as a slobbering, homogenized, zombie army marching to their local Loew's for $11 popcorn.

And yes, this post is rambling and incoherent. I give it 5 stars! A can't miss! Run, don't walk to your computer!

Get it? Get it? The Eiffel Tower is his schlong! Those kooky guys!

Thought of the Day

2005-08-11T10:41:00.000-05:00

I think that the major studios, the viewing public and the critics share the blame for the tidal waves of crap that flow across our great nation's movie screens. Like all good business people, the folks at the studios are interested only in making money. They've discovered that no matter how atrocious, remakes, movies based on television shows and flicks with flashy special effects will draw enough of an audience to bring the project into the black. The studio heads know that, like small animals attracted to shiny objects, the members of the viewing public keep lining up for every movie with a big budget marketing campaign. And let's not forget the role of the "critics." These days, bad movies and truly awful movies get reviews that are similar to those received by really good movies.

The good news is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. As broadband speeds skyrocket and home video technology moves closer to the professional level, more independent film-makers will be able to distribute their work.

Thought of the Day

2005-08-10T10:43:00.000-05:00

Here's my plan to save the environment: some chemical engineer or other scientist-type should figure out how to alter caffeine so that it ceases to be a diuretic but remains a stimulant. Billions of toilet and urinal flushes will be obviated. Think of all of the water and energy that will be saved. This plan is available to the first person or group to send me $50 million for the intellectual property rights.

Why get a bus when you can get an Omnibus?

2005-08-10T10:05:00.000-05:00

On Monday, our ranch-hand in chief signed into law the Energy Policy Act of 2005. This 1,700 page omnibus bill authorizes more than $66 billion in federal spending. In spite of the massive amount of money involved, I would be my life that nary a member of Congress has actually read this bill in its entirety. I can barely muster the energy to read a summary. Fortunately, the good folks at Citizens Against Government Waste have managed to pick out a few of the wasteful provisions:

"Ethanol mandate. The requirement that 7.5 billion gallons of corn-derived ethanol be added to the domestic gasoline supply by 2012, double the current mandate, is nothing more than corporate welfare bad for consumers and taxpayers but a boon to Midwestern farmers. Producing a gallon of ethanol may require more energy than the ethanol actually contains; the result being that oil imports will fall by less than .05 percent.

Hydrogen car. The conference bill allocates $1.92 billion over five years toward research related to hydrogen fuel cell technology, even though major auto makers are already developing hydrogen-powered vehicles.

Intermittent escalator study. The energy bill instructs the federal government to study the advantages and disadvantages of using escalators that remain stationary until approached by passengers. "

And let's not forget that starting in 2007, daylight savings time will be extended for 4 weeks. This is expected to cause problems for lots of gadgets that automatically adjust for daylight savings time.

Time for a recap. Bush requests an energy bill and Congress responds by packing said bill full of pork and increasing the amount to be spent by 1000%. Bush signs the bill and we all lose. As Chief Wiggum would say, "That's good work, Lou."

Video games can kill

2005-08-10T09:19:00.000-05:00

A 28 year old South Korean man has died after playing video games non-stop for 49 hours. The killer Starcraft marathon took place in an Internet cafe. Officials are saying the official cause of death was a heart attack, but I suspect he may have been done in by a vengeful band of Protoss Zealots.

Had a death of this sort happened in the US of A, I have no doubt that Hillary and her nanny...er...congressional friends would be working on legislation to force game manufacturers to make their products less fun and to make Internet cafe owners set limits on how long customers can play without a break.

The unrealistic movie about the adult virgin...cough

2005-08-09T16:06:00.000-05:00

OK I admit it...I'm absolutely wetting myself in anticipation of Steve Carrell's latest vehicle The 40 Year Old Virgin . Just staring at the poster is enough to get me into hysterics, and let me tell you, I'm not one for hysterics.

I dare you not to laugh. And yes, abstinence is funny. Take that, right-wingers!

Please let him be gay

2005-08-09T15:32:00.000-05:00

A four-star general in the US Army has been relieved of his duties for unspecified "personal conduct." I really hope that it turns out that the general was a homosexual and his sexuality is the conduct that resulted in this disciplinary action. At a time when the US armed forces are way behind in their recruiting, it would be perfect irony if those in charge decided to remove someone who has risen through the ranks because his sexuality ostensibly makes him unfit for duty.

Oh no, too many peanuts

2005-08-09T12:30:00.000-05:00

Apparently US farmers have grown too many peanuts. Peanut farmers and their lobbyists are concerned because, though the taxpayers will pay for all of the unsold peanuts, there may be less free money available in the future. The ridiculously named Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R. Georgia) says that the "peanut program", which cost taxpayers $320 million last year, has been a bargain most years. Did I mention that Saxby is the head of the Senate Agricultural Committee and Georgia is home to a large number of peanut farmers? The nationwide acreage used to grow peanuts increased by 15% last year (25% in Georgia) and growers are upset that the price that the US Department of Agriculture sets for peanut sales on the world market it too high.

It would appear that Saxby and his vote-buying cronies have gotten themselves in a bit of a pickle. By providing lucrative subsidies to peanut farmers who cannot compete in a free market, they have increased the supply of peanuts produced in the US. In order to pay for the subsidies without delving too deeply into the pockets of the taxpayers, government officials have raised the price of US peanuts on the world market. Unfortunately, the world market doesn't seem very interested in peanuts that are priced well above the going rate. If the world market isn't buying, the taxpayers pay for the unsold peanuts. And if the US drops the price and sells at a loss, the taxpayers make up the difference. What to do, what to do?

Two things are certain: 1) old Saxby definitely won't risk displeasing his constituents by killing the anti-competitve subsidy program and 2) the taxpayers will get stuck picking up the tab.

Teenage Psychopath vs. Hollywood Agent

2005-08-09T12:10:00.000-05:00

Which is the more frightening of Malcolm McDowell's roles, Alex in A Clockwork Orange or Ari's senior partner in Entourage?

Attack of the Stupid Op-Ed Columnists - Episode I

2005-08-09T11:51:00.000-05:00

Jeff Jacoby wins this week's ridiculous analogy contest by comparing the expulsion of those pesky violators of international law, Gaza settlers, to the (guess? anyone?) persecution of the Nazi Holocaust. Sigh. that's what our national discourse needs, more mindless and visceral shrieking on this topic.

I wrote Mr. J.J. my thoughts on his opus:

To: jacoby@globe.com
cc:
08/09/2005 09:45 AM Subject: Nazi reminders in Gaza?

Dear Sir,

Of all the pieces of demagoguery written by extremist clerics that you
cite in your article, you should place your column alongside them. It
is factually incorrect, inflammatory, and, well, idiotic.

"And yet there is no getting around the fact that Israel is about to
become the first modern, Western nation in more than 60 years to
forcibly uproot a whole population -- men, women, children, babies --
solely because they are Jews..."

Well, that's if you're forgetting that Israel did the exact same thing
about 25 years ago, clearing Jewish settlers out of the Sinai, in
order to return it to Egypt as part of the Camp David peace treaty.
Some settlers even fired and fought back on Israeli troops. I suppose
those settlers were good citizens of Israel to you.

That decision "played into the hands of their enemies" so much so
that today Israelis and Egypt...are still at peace - a cold one,
but a peace nevertheless. And Israeli tourists regularly visit
resorts such as Taba and Sharm El Sheikh. Had the Jacobys of their
day had their way, the two countries would still be at war, and
more Israelis and Egyptians (like my parents) would have been
forced from their homeland by senseless violence.

Your piece ignores the very large elephant in the room, which is
that the majority of Israelis want the settlers out. The settlers
are there illegally according to the Geneva Conventions and numerous
UN resolutions, including some supported by the US calling for a
Palestinian state (insert the standard anti-UN diatribe here, Mr.
Jacoby).

Do us a favor and do an ounce of research on your next topic,
and stop trying to distract from the real situation on the ground
by highlighting perverse rhetoric in order to justify your own.

Signed...

Sure I could have been subtler, more gentlemanly. But it was early in the morning, and my tolerance for drivel is much, much lower at that point.

BTW, he responded:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: jacoby@globe.com
Date: Aug 9, 2005 10:08 AM
Subject: Re: Nazi reminders in Gaza?
To: "Jesus Quintana">

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

++++++++++++++++++++++
Jeff Jacoby
Op-Ed columnist
The Boston Globe

617-929-3168 (phone)
617-929-2098 (fax)

Hmm, he seems rattled....

"Victory is Mine!"

JQ

Bonus Thought of the Day

2005-08-09T11:47:00.000-05:00

If I'm wrong about what happens when you die, and the billions of delusional people who buy into the various religions are right, then I am probably going to be spending an eternity or so in hell. My hell will probably involve a never-ending search for employment.

If I was playing it safe, my first prayer would be to Vishnu. The job market in India is booming.

Thought of the Day

2005-08-09T11:33:00.000-05:00

I hate seeing fat people in elevators.

Defenestrators

Send a memo to Hollywood

Don't rebuild New Orleans

And people wonder why I don't trust the government to handle things...

the mayor of New Orleans loses it

Today's IM of the day: insensitivity or deal hunting?

Battle for Mosul: first hand accounts

Internet Justice

Today's IM conversation of the day: good help

Editorializing Egypt

Dik Talk Thai

You don't say?

It's the Christian thing to do

Of Brits, Brazilians, and Ben Franklin

Fat asses in the news

Stop the presses, a politician is showing common sense

$399 and you still only get one controller?

Nun endeavors to prove that prayer is useless

Coach Fo' Shizzy

I'm just curious

maybe "scrotum bag" and "bitch dog" are terms of endearment

Someone fill me in here

Pulling out always leaves a mess

Privacy? We don't need no stinking privacy!

Has the whole world gone crazy?!

A shocking new study

We're comin' to America...

Let's go bowling, Dude

Wild claims from the press?

No more indecisive waffling

By the way

Can I get a ruling on this...

Get down!

Re: Thought of the Day

Thought of the Day

Thought of the Day

Why get a bus when you can get an Omnibus?

Video games can kill

The unrealistic movie about the adult virgin...*cough*

Please let him be gay

Oh no, too many peanuts

Teenage Psychopath vs. Hollywood Agent

Attack of the Stupid Op-Ed Columnists - Episode I

Bonus Thought of the Day

Thought of the Day

The unrealistic movie about the adult virgin...cough